Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
