In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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