i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
