is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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