peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
