Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My balls are so social today.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
