i think i have herpe
just one?
My cat gives me a boner
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
