He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
