Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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