i wish there were pregnant emoticons
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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