Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
