you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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