Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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