Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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