She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
