Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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