i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
