the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
