According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
