slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
