I think I am morally bankrupt
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
