So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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