I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
