We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
