I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
