Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
