i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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