Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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