Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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