She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
