How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
