i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
