Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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