Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
