Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
