is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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