You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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