So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
