I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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