no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
