new low.... made out with someone while peeing
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
