i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
