Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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