her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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