everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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