He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
