i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
