I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
