jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
