I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
