capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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