Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
