The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
