im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
