If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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