everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Boobs are out for the taking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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